Breaking Bro Culture: Preparing for the Shift to Female Financial Power

Cary Carbonaro [00:00:00]:
Women are going to control two thirds of the nation's wealth by 2030, which is 30,000,000,000,000 with a t. Not billion, not million, trillion. So this industry, our industry, my industry that I love, has got to change to make it more female friendly. And there's a million things that they can do to make it more more female friendly, but they just really haven't done it yet. Now I'm not saying that the whole industry is, you know, wrong because there's a lot of great advisers out there serving women well.

Joanna Ehresman [00:00:41]:
Hi there. Thanks so much for

Leah Alter [00:00:45]:
Hi there. Thanks so much for joining us.

Leah Alter [00:00:46]:
I'm Leah Alter. And I'm Joanna Ehresman.

Joanna Ehresman [00:00:47]:
And this is WomenShare, a celebration of women in financial services.

Leah Alter [00:00:51]:
Well, today we are so happy to welcome Cary Carbonaro, a Managing Wealth Advisor with Ashton Thomas Private Wealth to the show. Like many of the women we have here on WomenShare, Cary's role as an advisor is only one part of her story. She's also a women and wealth ambassador at Ashton Thomas and has held leadership roles at firms like ACM Wealth, Goldman Sachs, and United Capital. She's a CFP board ambassador and is an author of two books focused on financial education for women. Cary has also spoken around the world on financial literacy with a focus on advocating for women and guiding them to financial empowerment, which, as you know, we are very much behind here on the show. In addition to all that, Cary makes giving back a priority through her involvement in the women's giving alliance and as part of the benefactor circle at the center for financial planning. Cary, with all of that abundant goodness in your life and no doubt in your schedule, we are so grateful that you joined us here today, and welcome to the show.

Cary Carbonaro [00:01:50]:
Thank you so much for having me. It's an honor and a pleasure.

Joanna Ehresman [00:01:53]:
Oh, we're so excited to dig in.

Leah Alter [00:01:55]:
Yes. Yes. So along those lines, there's so much we do wanna get into, so let's jump in. First, we'd love to just start with the why behind your story, especially around the financial empowerment for women. Was there a specific kind of point in your life or your career that really propelled you on this journey of being such a passionate advocate for financial education for women?

Cary Carbonaro [00:02:17]:
So, such a good question and I get asked it often. So, there's a book called The One Thing and you look back on your life and you look at the threads in your life, the one thing in your life that's always been the constant. And I didn't realize probably till I was 50 that my one thing was always helping women my entire life, starting from

Joanna Ehresman [00:02:46]:
Amazing.

Cary Carbonaro [00:02:47]:
Teaching dance in my when I was in, like, my younger years when I was in school to starting and founding a sorority when I was in college for women to graduating from college and were and trying to help women in finance in the bank, to starting my own practice and wanting to help women with finances in financial planning to then, unfortunately, marrying an abusive man and then winding up in an abusive marriage and then being, like and being taken advantage of. And then it completely ignited my like, on fire to have this not happen to any other woman that I could if I could help it in my lifetime. So it's a big long story, and that's my answer. And yes. So it is my life's work to help women become financially free, have their own make their own choices, not have a not ever having to rely on a man and be financially independent.

Joanna Ehresman [00:03:49]:
Wow. That is, that was a lot and a little. That is incredible. I'm just just floored and also just so inspired that this was something that you knew even as a young girl, young woman that you wanted to do. That is that's very inspiring. I think, a lot of people don't know until much later in life what that that threat is. You know?

Cary Carbonaro [00:04:18]:
Yes.

Joanna Ehresman [00:04:19]:
So, I'm imagining people get to hear a lot more about this in some of the your, writings. And Yes. This April, your latest book, Women and Wealth, a Playbook to Empower Clients and Unlock Their Fortune is being released. That's so exciting. In it, you speak to other advisors about serving women clients, which we love. We we, talk about a lot here on the show. So we would love to hear some of the maybe the key misconceptions around working with women, that you address in the book and that you're passionate about.

Cary Carbonaro [00:04:56]:
Sure. Well, so, unfortunately, the industry was set up by men for men, and I'm sure you've heard that many times. Right? And, unfortunately, women have been an afterthought. They're not marketed to. They're not spoken to. They're not communicated correctly. They're not addressed. They're not even part of the client experience process in most cases.

Cary Carbonaro [00:05:19]:
So pretty much the industry is really doing everything wrong when it comes to females. And the best stat that shows that is that women leave their advisers when their husband dies seventy to ninety percent of the time. So that number has not changed. As a matter of fact, you know, it depends who you ask if it's 70 or 90 and somewhere in the middle. But that number has not changed since they've been recording that. Really?

Leah Alter [00:05:44]:
Okay. Because I was wondering. I'm like I feel like Wow. I'm like, the fact that that still holds true honestly floors me even though we do the show and talk about this all the time, but I'm just still saying, okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry to interrupt.

Cary Carbonaro [00:05:56]:
No. No. No. It's okay. It's it's it's unbelievable. And so what what is so interesting and why it's such a great time for this book is we have a wealth management wave coming. It's not a shift. It's a wave.

Cary Carbonaro [00:06:11]:
McKinsey calls it a wave. So, you know, women are going to control two thirds of the nation's wealth by 02/1930, which is 30,000,000,000,000 with a t. Not billion, not million, trillion. So this industry, our industry, my industry that I love, has got to change to make it more female friendly. And there's a million things that they can do to make it more more female friendly, but they just really haven't done it yet. Now I'm not saying that the whole industry is, you know, wrong because there's a lot of great advisers out there serving women well. I just want everybody to be doing it and serving women well. And, you know, it's interesting.

Cary Carbonaro [00:06:51]:
I just actually got off a call with, high high wage earners, and they said, you know, we didn't find an adviser till our fifties, and we don't even really like the person that much. But because it's so hard to find good advisers who hear them, listen to them, see them, have empathy, you know, and and men are afraid that a woman is gonna cry at their desk. And guess what? If you ask them the right question, they will cry. And guess what? You will that is what they wanna do, and that means you're building trust and rapport with them. But they're freaked out by the whole emotional side of planning. And so that's one of the things that has to change. One of the million.

Joanna Ehresman [00:07:35]:
Yeah. Yeah. Well and, you know, we talk a lot about on the show. Right? And and even our mission in, you know, creating this podcast, this platform, is what we can do individually, right, to be able to help move things forward. Right? Because if you look at it from, you know, a thousand foot view, it seems like a lot. Like, to your point, there's still a lot to do. So being able to hone in on sort of your involvement and what you as an individual in your community or within your organization Right. To to help that, it becomes much more doable and and ultimately powerful.

Cary Carbonaro [00:08:21]:
Yeah. Right. Well, it it's interesting because in the in the book, there's a couple of of you know, I mean, there's so many chapters. There's 23 chapters and, you know, some of the things that I that people don't even realize are, like, the, unconscious bias and implicit bias that exists in the world that you don't even know what you don't know. It's just it's an absolute blind spot that you are either ignoring the woman or making her feel uncomfortable or just not addressing her needs. And it's happening constantly over and over and over. So I've got a bunch of case studies, and I even have a test to take to see where you are in that in that range. I also have an fantastic quiz which Kathleen Kingsbury, let me borrow, and it is how female friendly is your practice.

Cary Carbonaro [00:09:12]:
And it goes through 20 questions to see where you are in the world. And, you know, you could think that you're doing everything right, and there's things that you don't you don't know what you don't know. So that's what I'm trying to expose.

Leah Alter [00:09:24]:
Well and we got the the sneak peek at some of the chapter titles, and there's one I'm just dying to ask you about. It mentions bro culture in this industry. So can you just touch a little bit on what that chapter is all about?

Cary Carbonaro [00:09:38]:
Sure. Well, it's actually called bro chat bro culture and lawsuits.

Joanna Ehresman [00:09:42]:
Oh. Yes. So I I

Cary Carbonaro [00:09:49]:
I break down the most famous lawsuits in the profession, in the the big the big ones, and how much money, they lost in this lawsuit, and what was happened, and what was the outcome, and, you know, all that's public knowledge, nothing that's, you know, behind closed doors. But it's interesting that my my two favorite ones are the Boom Boom Room, which was took place on Long Island for Morgan Stanley in the nineties. So it's where I grew up. And and so, like, that one is, like, really interesting to me. And then the other one was the Goldman Sachs one. And since I worked there, not by choice, but by acquisition, that one was for all women who were producers who got stuck at VP level because they couldn't move to the next level because of the culture against them at more at Morgan Stanley at Goldman Sachs. Sorry. And, that one, it was a class action lawsuit.

Cary Carbonaro [00:10:51]:
They it was settled out of court. And, ironically, each woman got $50,000 for not being able to move up to the next level, which is pretty much like their monthly pay.

Joanna Ehresman [00:11:06]:
One monthly pay

Cary Carbonaro [00:11:08]:
for being held down for your entire career. So, I mean, it's so so wrong in so many ways. So I, like, I wrote my opinion on what I thought about that lawsuit. You know? And I actually was in that lawsuit, and I thought I was gonna get the 50,000, and I was gonna give it to I was gonna donate to a women's organization. I wasn't because I just that's what I wanted to do with it. And I actually got notified. It's in my book, but I did get notified. Yeah.

Cary Carbonaro [00:11:38]:
United Capital employees were excluded from the lawsuit. And I said I was the only one. And they said, well, you're getting nothing. And I said, thank you. What what would I expect? Anything different? So that was my experience.

Joanna Ehresman [00:11:53]:
I think also what's interesting about bro culture, in this industry is that the bros think that they are safe by being a part of it, and I have seen that play out over and over and over again where that has not been the case. And when that higher up, whoever that may be, is done with you, whether you're a man or a woman, they don't really care. Like, that that boys' club thing only goes so far. It it doesn't actually protect anybody from what I have seen in my experience.

Cary Carbonaro [00:12:33]:
Well and it's interesting because I am so far away from it, like, not in it that like, I remember I I think I wrote this in one of my books that I was, like, in my forties, and I was at, like, a TD Ameritrade or one of those big trade conferences. And I was like I looked up, and the line for the men's room was out the door, and there was literally not one person except for me and one other woman in the in the woman's room. And I'm like, you know it's always been reversed where the line of the woman's room is

Leah Alter [00:13:03]:
In, like, every other area of the text.

Cary Carbonaro [00:13:06]:
And I'm like, what is happening here? And I like like, a light bulb went off, and I was like, where the heck are all the women? And I I just I literally did not even realize it. Here I am twenty years in the industry, and I'm like, there's no women. Like Yeah. Where was I that I didn't even realize that? I mean, other than being in a abusive marriage, but that's another story

Joanna Ehresman [00:13:25]:
for today.

Leah Alter [00:13:26]:
Well, that actually leads into the next question of, like, you know, we all know the facts of, you know, what percentage of leadership roles. It sounds like the higher up you go, you know, the fewer women there are. So curious to hear, you know, as you've had these leadership roles throughout your career, have you experienced that disparity? And how does that influence how you show up now? So

Cary Carbonaro [00:13:51]:
it's a really difficult question because it's interesting because I've always felt that being a woman in this industry is a strength, and that's how I've always been. So I've taken my being a female and used it for good in this industry. So I've used it to attract female clients. I've used it to give a female perspective. And because I have a strong personality and I, you know, I'm a very New York New Yorker, so I'm, like, kind of an in your face person. It's intimidating to some, but in other words, men kind of like it and respect it. So I've always had a voice at the table even and it's funny. Even at United Capital, there was, a time where, they didn't have a lot of women, females on the adviser council.

Cary Carbonaro [00:14:42]:
And then when they said that they were gonna replace me, I said, you're gonna replace me with somebody just as strong. Right? And then they never replaced me. I stayed on for the whole rest of my time till United Capital got sold to Goldman. So I thought that so I I don't know. I mean, I feel like a woman is a strength in this industry. I I just don't I don't feel like it's a weakness.

Leah Alter [00:15:04]:
Yeah. Well, no. Not necessarily a weakness, but aside from the, you know, conference where you're like, wait a minute. The women's mind is shorter. You know, it sounds like it hasn't really been, maybe barrier is the wrong word, but hasn't been something that has affected your career thus far. I've been like, I'm the only woman in the room or, you know, whatever it may be.

Cary Carbonaro [00:15:24]:
So the only time it negatively impacted my career was when we were sold to Goldman Sachs. It was the first time in my career that I was openly discriminated against. And it was really, really difficult time in my life. Like, I write about it in the book, in my story. And I talk about, you know, the two terrible times in my life of overcoming, you know, horrible things in my life. And one was being in an abusive marriage, and one was being at Goldman Sachs. And it it's very similar. And I felt the exact same way in both situations.

Joanna Ehresman [00:16:02]:
I think you're seeing us nod our heads because we've both, in our previous corporate situations, have felt that very much where there's something just toxic about the environment. And, yeah, that is very relatable. And we've heard a lot of stories from a lot of women who have felt very similar, and it's not one organization or one part of the industry. People from all over the industry, all different ages, you know, what their roles are, experience that. Yeah. It's nice that we're all kind of, working to change that. And to that point, I know the CFP board and, your work with them, they are very much dedicated and focused on the efforts of women bringing more women into the industry, getting more women certified. So, we'd love to hear about your work as an ambassador and Sure.

Joanna Ehresman [00:17:09]:
Your work in general with the CFP board on, you know, building that stronger future.

Cary Carbonaro [00:17:15]:
Sure. So, well, I am a big I've been a CFP for twenty years, and I've been a CFP board ambassador for a decade. I think I am the most senior ambassador because, like, as far as, like, length of time, doing it. And so that role, I actually represent the profession in the media. So that and and it's interesting because when I first became an ambassador, there was 40,000 CFPs and now there's a hundred thousand CFPs. So

Joanna Ehresman [00:17:45]:
is

Cary Carbonaro [00:17:45]:
that an unbelievable amount of growth? I mean, really, really, really incredible. And then one of the things that the CFP board did on top of all the other things that they do is they created the center for financial planning. And so that is the nonprofit arm of the CFP board that is focused on diversity, inclusion, you know, next gen, all all of the all of that stuff. But for me, that's my space of that's where I donate money to bring more women into the profession. You know? And so that is why I am a, you know, strategic donor for them. And I'm actually also on the on the board for fundraising for them as well. And so one of the campaigns that they did was you have to, see it to be it. And I love that one because, you know, so they had African Americans, Latinas, women, and just holding them out as you can do this too.

Cary Carbonaro [00:18:49]:
And it and then also going after the, like, great, great, ads for the younger generation in school targeting the the the kids in school. And then the other fantastic thing I did with them, which I wish we would still doing it, but we did it. We went to the Girl Scouts International, conference in Orlando Two Years ago. And we had an incredible booth with, a game about, like, retiring and teaching them about being a CFP, and we had these fantastic, like, future CFP tattoos and, like, selfie sticks saying future CFP. And and these girls are age five through 18. None of them knew what a CFP was. Not one of them in there. And then, you know, we're talking about, you know, about what it is and and, you know, even how much money you make.

Cary Carbonaro [00:19:41]:
And the and the girls are like, what? Like, you know, because everybody knows what an attorney is. Everybody knows what a what a a CPA is or at least, you know, they sort of know what it is. But, you know, it's just not something that girls are taught. Like, you could be a you could be a CFP. What what it what it is that? We don't even know what that is. So we planted a lot of seeds.

Joanna Ehresman [00:20:02]:
Yes. That's great. Yeah. Because, I I mean, I didn't know anything about this industry literally until I got into it. And that's the reason I was excited about being in this industry because it there's so much to learn. There it's such a deep and wide, knowledge base about investing and money. And there's just so much learned. I thought, oh, this is this is exciting.

Joanna Ehresman [00:20:29]:
Like, I could be in this industry for a really long time and not know it all. And that is really I think if you are in if if a a young girl is into learning, and that is something that really fires them up, this industry is so good for that.

Cary Carbonaro [00:20:46]:
It is.

Joanna Ehresman [00:20:47]:
There's it it's an infinity amount of information to absorb.

Cary Carbonaro [00:20:51]:
Yes. It is. It is. But the only problem is that's well, one of the issues is that there's not that many of us in it doing it that's and staying in it women. So, you know, we're only 20% of the CFPs. I know it's climbing. It's climbing. It's climbing.

Cary Carbonaro [00:21:08]:
It's maybe 23.9. So but it has you know, it's moving in little tiny baby fractions, but it is moving. And but the other issue is out of those 24, I'm rounding up, you know, not everybody is, rainmakers. So you've got you've got support staff. You've got back office. You've got client services. You've got, you know, teaching. So the ones who make the real money in this industry are people like myself who are rainmakers, who go out and get the clients or who are the lead advisors or who own the firm.

Cary Carbonaro [00:21:48]:
And and that's that's another thing actually we were talking about earlier with the bro culture. I kind of isolated myself a little bit from it in the sense of being my own practice, having my own RIA, affiliating with, you know, a female friendly firm or, you know, something like something like that versus working at a at a Goldman Sachs, which, you know, I never really chose to work there. I just got acquired.

Leah Alter [00:22:14]:
Yeah. But that topic has come up of, like, not necessarily forced entrepreneurship in your case, but, right, like, that was a very intentional choice to build your own practice probably for a number of reasons, but having a healthy culture was probably right up there after having experienced the opposite.

Cary Carbonaro [00:22:31]:
Right. So Exactly.

Leah Alter [00:22:32]:
Yeah. Okay. Well, yeah, we could keep going, and I I could ask you so many questions. But, okay, time for one of our

Joanna Ehresman [00:22:40]:
favorite need a part two

Cary Carbonaro [00:22:41]:
of you.

Leah Alter [00:22:44]:
Gary Carbonaro, quarterly. Okay. So what is the best career advice you've ever received?

Cary Carbonaro [00:22:53]:
So I my dad was in finance, and I kind of followed in his footsteps. And he really instilled in me at a very young age that, you know, you can be anything you wanna be. Like, he literally said, if you wanna be president, you could be president. And so he never put limits on me, and so I didn't even know, like, limits existed. So I never put limits on myself.

Joanna Ehresman [00:23:18]:
Yay, dad.

Leah Alter [00:23:22]:
We need more of us to be raised that way.

Joanna Ehresman [00:23:24]:
Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. We've been talking a lot lately about confidence and, you know, learning how to make those big leaps of faith and trust ourselves and, you know, build that confidence as we go. And I think a lot of women would, really benefit from a dad like that.

Cary Carbonaro [00:23:48]:
Yes. Exactly. And I I actually have a whole thing in my book on a whole chapter on confidence and how what happens with girls and confidence, and it's very important.

Joanna Ehresman [00:23:59]:
Yeah. Absolutely. Well, as you know, we are a celebration of women in the industry, and so we like to celebrate our guests on every episode. So outside of a an amazing career and business that you've got going on, what can we celebrate with you today?

Cary Carbonaro [00:24:18]:
I guess the launch of my new book, which is which is coming out 04/29/2025, published by Wiley.

Joanna Ehresman [00:24:26]:
Awesome. Yeah. Accomplishment.

Cary Carbonaro [00:24:29]:
Yes. Thank you.

Leah Alter [00:24:30]:
I know. I can't I'm yeah. I'm dying to see details of these chapters because it just I think it's such an interesting mix of advocating for women in the industry and the women clients that we serve. So,

Cary Carbonaro [00:24:43]:
right, it's both. It is.

Leah Alter [00:24:44]:
It's both. Yes. And there's such a strong relationship between the two. Right?

Cary Carbonaro [00:24:50]:
Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Is. Absolutely. If we can bring more women in the profession, then we're gonna have more women clients, but we're gonna have more women clients anyway. So we might as well get ready ready for it.

Leah Alter [00:25:00]:
Get ready for it.

Joanna Ehresman [00:25:01]:
You do. Absolutely.

Leah Alter [00:25:02]:
Well, Cary, this has been such a great conversation. Thank you so much for joining us, and thank you on behalf of our listeners for sharing your story. This has just been amazing. If someone wants to get in touch with you or follow what you're up to, what's the best way for them to find you?

Cary Carbonaro [00:25:17]:
Any social media. I'm on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram. I'm on x, but not really that much. But, yeah, totally connect with me on social media. I'm I love to meet you. Excellent.

Joanna Ehresman [00:25:30]:
And what's the best way can somebody preorder the book?

Cary Carbonaro [00:25:34]:
Yes. They can. You can preorder it. Actually, if you go to, my website, carriecarbonaro.com, and you click on books, there's, like, I think about ten ten retailers there. You can just click on the link and and preorder it from any of them.

Joanna Ehresman [00:25:47]:
Perfect. And we will have all those links, right here in the show notes. So if you wanna find Cary, we're gonna make it real easy for you. Great. Yeah. Well, that is our show for today. Thank you again, Cary, so much for coming on. If ours is a mission that you wanna share in, please subscribe to the show wherever you love to get your podcasts.

Joanna Ehresman [00:26:10]:
And with that, I'm I'm Leah Alter.

Leah Alter [00:26:12]:
And I'm Joanna Erisman. And we'll catch you on the next episode of WomenShare.